Primary WHAT?!?!

Have you ever had one of those days, when you find out a piece of information that changes how you see something else, someone else, and yourself? Have you ever been asked to do something that you felt completely incapable, inadequate, and unprepared to do? Something that swallows you whole? And all you want to do it cry?!

This is me...about two weeks ago!

I woke up one Sunday, and got all ready to go to church. I was feeling like I needed to be prepared that day, and that there is no excuse to be late for 1 pm church. So I was ready early, had the kids in the car, and found my seat atleast 10 minutes before it started. I was feeling pretty good, right?! WRONG! Well because of my over-achieving punctualness, (not sure that is even a correct term, but we'll go with it) the Bishopric could actually SEE me. As apposed to me sneaking in 5 minutes late and finding a seat hidden in back. This my friends...is why being late is helpful.

After Sacrament meeting, I am rounding up my offspring to take them to class when there is a tap on my shoulder. Who is it you ask? A member of the Bishopric. This is never good. He asked if I could meet with the Bishop during the 2nd hour. I of course said yes, and left thinking...GREAT! What calling am I getting now? I was nervous. I dropped the kids off and on my way to class...Bishop spots me, and waves me into his office. This is when Hiroshima hits.

Primary President!! What?! Me?! Really?! This is a very mature ward. THE ward that I grew up in. Out of all of the wonderful strong women in the ward...why me?! I didnt get it. Of course I accepted, and maybe I shed a little tear or two...ok, I for SURE shed a tear or 5! But sucked it up, and went about the rest of church. There has GOT to be an age limit for a calling of this magnitude. I say 40..atleast! If this were the case, I would be safe for atleast another 14 years. And I know what you are thinking...and yes, I would be glad I wasnt me if I were you too!

TWO weeks passed before I was sustained. Talk about a secret that is busting you at the seams. I was so stressed about what was to come...but was powerless to talk about it, and all I could do was wait. Pure torture. Last Sunday, it happened. I officially became in charge of one of the largest organizations. Little ol' me.

So many emotions have overcome me. I still feel small and at a loss for the "why me". I feel like others are thinking the same. I know thats the devil talking...but really. Regardless of the well wishes, and the YOU CAN DO IT's, I still wonder how it will all turn out. I want to be a great president. I want to do the kind of job that people will say "Wow, she is on top of it!" I lack the confidence in myself of this actually happening. I know it will get easier. I know I will learn what I am doing and be able to get the job done. I just pray for that little extra, that will make the kids love coming, enjoy the lessons, behave, and leave having felt the spirit. Will every sunday be this way? I'm not an idiot, of course NOT! We will have our rough days, and we will have our great days. There will be tantrums, crying fits, and yelling. And dont worry, I will leave the room before I let the kids see me doing this!!

So as I move forward in attempting to tackle a calling so much larger them myself, I look forward to learning new things. Pushing myself to the limit, accomplish things I didnt think possible, and determine myself to be the best Primary president I can be. And if you are feeling generous, send some prayers my way. Because we ALL know I am going to need them!