"I laugh in the face of Danger, Haha, Ha, Ha!" -Lion King

So let me begin by just saying that while I tell this story I am guaranteed to laugh...but ONLY because it turned out fine, and nothing terrible happened! At the time, it wasnt funny, and it took me a little but to make light of the situation, but now that its been 24 hours, I can honestly say...Its just another one of those stories I am going to have to blog about, so that Porter and his future wife can know what they are in for. As the story goes--Your kids will give you 10 times the grief you gave your parents! With that said, it makes me feel sorry for Porter (and mostly his wife)...and all I can hope is he marries a girl who was a complete Angel!

Anyone who knows sweet little Porter, or has followed my blog long enough, knows that Porter can be...we'll call it a Handful! He has always had this amazing zest for adventure, his curiosity gets the best of him, and he has the craziest imagination. But more then that...this kid is SMART!! Dangerously so! And he NEVER stops. Ask anyone who has babysat, watched, taught, or even observed him. If I could bottle up that energy, I could make a TON of money. I know a few people that seem to think my children were delivered in a basket, wrapped in a bow, and labeled "EASY". This really irks me. My kids arent easy. Maybe the way I handle them, or my patience makes it appear that way. But my kids are NOT easy. They are anything BUT easy. I just like to think that I had a little bit to do with making them easy going happy kids. Maybe I'm tootin my own horn on that one...but whatever, with everything thats on my plate on a daily basis...I think I handle things quite well. So TOOT TOOT!!

So Sunday afternoon rolls around, and I am quite tired. I am NOT a napper usually (I actually just tried to nap, and it was a no go...which led to blogging while the rest of the house naps!) but decided that I needed one this particular day. I got the kids to bed, and Kameron and I fell fast asleep. About an hour after getting what can only be described as amazingly restful sleep, we hear the doorbell. I layed there thinking Kameron may get up. Nope. I wasnt getting up, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, annoyed that someone had the gull to ring my doorbell on a Sunday afternoon. PEOPLE NAP on Sundays!! After about 2 minutes passed...the doorbell rings...AGAIN!! At this point I am really annoyed. So I get up this time...mainly to shut the dog who is barking like a lunatic up! I walk to the front door and peep out the peep hole and window...only to see NOTHING!! Almost walking away, I decided to just open the door...dont ask me why. This is not my normal reaction. Imagine my surprise, when I open my front door and low and behond....PORTER GRANT LEE was the culprit ringing my doorbell. WHAT?!! Stunned I stood there for what seemed like years...but in reality was all of 2 seconds before Porter says to me..."Hi Mom! I need my Buzz Lightyear!" Really kid?! Is that all you have to say to me?! After hurrying him into the house, all I could say was "Porter, how did you get outside?!! What were you doing? Why did you go outside by yourself? How did you get out of your room?!" I did a quick scan of the road and neighborhood out front...silent. No one within view...no cars...nothing. Thank GOODNESS!!

You see, right before Anastyn was born we moved his room and gave him a toddler bed. Which led to him eating all sorts of goodies at 6am from the freezer...ice cream, popsicles, waffles, chicken nuggets...the list goes on and on. So we went through 4 different knob locks in order to keep him in his room...which then led me to duct tape the final knob on because every one on the market was child proof, but not Porter-Proof! So I knew he didnt get through his door...AND the front door.

So as I proceed to ask questions as I rush to his room to find his window, WIDE OPEN!! The stinkin kid pushed his table over to the window, unlocked it, used his freakish strength to push the window UP, KICKED out the screen, and climbed out the window. This brought a whole 'nother boatload of panic!! What if he hadnt rang the doorbell, what if someone took him, what if he wandered into the street and been hit by a car...what if I had walked into his room after nap, and he be GONE and the window open?!! I would have completely WIGGED!! Sinking feelings overcame me and even as I write this it makes me sick all the things that COULD have happened, but luckily DIDNT!

I closed the window, locked it, and then went into the kitchen and removed the safety lock from that window (an easier one to break into) and put it on his window. Its a thingy that goes over the frame...thats the technical term...and then screws in so the window cannot slide up. Then I put the fear in Porter. After I swatted his toosh (diaper padded, and its me..it probably didnt even hurt) I threatened him. haha. I dont want to scare him, but he needed to understand what could have happened. We talked about what would happen if someone took him, and if he got hit by a car...and so on. It seemed to scare him enough. I told him to go lay down and take a nap. Some one should get one...we all know I am not sleeping after that!

Then I call my mom to tell her what happened, and do the whole "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS CHILD?!!" routine. Of course they think its hilarious and my Dad offers to pay for therapy. Seriously...a few more episodes like that I may need a shrink!

All joking aside, as entertaining as this story is..I am so grateful that nothing happened. I am grateful that he is so disgustingly obsessed with Toy Story, that the thought of not having his Buzz Lightyear to play with made him ring the doorbell. And I am so grateful that he is MINE! I know what you are thinking...You are glad he belongs to me and not you! Dont worry, I get that a lot! Even though he does these things that make me seriously consider writing a book called "Surviving Porter", he is the sweetest little man I know. He constantly give me loves, and tells me he loves me. I'll be honest and say that being a parent is the best most guilt ridden job around. This stage of screaming fits, timeouts, and defiance has me questioning on a nightly basis if I am screwing up my child. I pray for more patience, a loving heart, and move on to the next day's tasks. I just want to be a good mom. I hope and pray that I am. But for now, we are surviving, and as long as I can raise him to adulthood, with him knowing I love him, and him loving his Heavenly Father...then I will be one happy Momma!

And if you are feeling the need...send a few prayers my way...I'll probably need them!

I love you my little Space Ranger!!